I daydream about
ripping you into two
like the way you have done with me.
was not what makes me feel torn.
It hurts more because I thought you were going to be
someone, someone different.
I thought you
were going to mean something.
I thought that maybe,
I would mean something to you,
I think months down the road,
and even a year later this will still hurt,
at least deep down it will.
Because I believed you
and some nights I dream about you.
And then I wake up to find
that it is not real,
and that kills me.
All I know and all I feel
is the betrayal.
I shouldn’t have been
the nice girl.
I should have been the unsympathetic heartbreaker
you joked around about.
I should have been her.
Sometimes I think,
maybe I should have crushed your heart
when I had the upper hand.
You ever think about when you were younger
and you fell and scraped your knee or your elbow,
you would cry until your mother would put a
band aid over it and kissed it. Suddenly, it all feels
much better. Even though the wound is still there,
it feels as if it is fading away.
I am still like that. When I sliced my finger
with a knife the other day, I looked at the blood
and I could feel the sting of the gash but when
he put a band aid over it, it suddenly felt much better.
It’s as if the burning sensation was quickly fading
underneath the band aid.
I think that’s how people are. We can obviously
put a band aid on ourselves but we need someone
else to help us. We think that we need others to
help us heal but here is the truth: we do not.
Our bodies are made to heal itself from injuries
our whole life, we have to thank ourselves for getting
better. We think we need to rely on others to give
us a hand and when they do, we rely on them or we
think they are doing a better job than we ever can
but here is a secret: you can fix yourself when you
You know how they always tell you in gym class,
“when you think you can’t run, you can run another
few laps?” When you think you have given all that
you have, you really have so much more to give.